:ional Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and! 
ites) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors 


No. 287. 


An Unconscious Burglary 

BEING A RELATION OF THE -STRANGE ADVENTURES OF 
JOHN FLYNN. A LAWYER 


B ComeOp in Cbr cc Bets 


BY 

JOHN N. FRANCIS 


Copyright, 1914, by Samuel French 


PS 635 
. Z9 
F8014 
Copy 1 


NOTE.—Permission not required to produce this Comedy 


PRICE 25 CENTS 



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New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th STREET 


London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 
26 Southampton Street 
STRAND 


© e* e> 












THE FORTUNE HUNTER 


A Charming Comedy in four acts, by "Winched Smith. The cast calls 
for seventeen males and three females, but by doubling a number of the 
small male parts it can be played by eleven males and three females. 
Three interior and one exterior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2} 
hours. 

It is upon the advice and capital of his friends that Nat Duncan, the 
young fortune banter, decides to embark upon a wife-hunting expedi¬ 
tion. The scheme is to go to a small town and live very quietly for one 
year. The theory upon which the pursuit is conducted is that in a 
small town there is at least one girl who has a fortune. All the young 
men who are worth while move away to larger cities to make iheir 
fortunes, but the poor girls have to remain behind, and those who are 
really above the average are-forced to remain single, because they will 
not marry the riff-raff which remains, according to the theorists. This 
leaves Duncan with a clear field in any town which he selects. 

Duncan’s experiences prove the theory. The village banker’s daugh¬ 
ter really falls in love with him, and in accordance with expectations, 
it is actually she who proposes before the end of the year. But there is 
no such sordid end to the tale. It has been a part of the program that 
Nat should work during his year of residence in the village. He has 
found that work is really interesting, and brings its own rewards. He 
has become a successful business man while endeavoring to win an easy 
fortune, and at the same time he has found the girl who can make him 
happy, and its does not happen to be the girl with the fortune. 

It is a charming, wholesome story, touched with tender humor and 
filled with quaint philosophy, with just the sort of love interest that 
makes one glad to know about, because it is both pure and sincere. 

“ The Fortune Hunter” is one of the most successful comedies pro¬ 
duced in New York in the last decade. It had a most phenomenal run 
and Is still on tour. Price, 50 cents. 


PEACEFUL VALLEY. 


A comedy in three acts, by Edward E. Kidder. 7 males, 4 females. 

This wonderful play, known all over the United States and Canada, 
had just attained its majority and is a classic of its kind. It made the 
f ame of its author, Edward E. Kidder, and was largely responsible for 
the great success of the late lovable Sol Smith Russel, who created the 
part of Hosea Howe. It has been performed over five thousand times 
and is still in great demand. “ Peaceful Valley ” is a sweet idyl of the 
heart with three charming love stories twined about it. and throbs with 
humanity, bubbles with fun, and thrills with pathos. The "human 
touches” thabround out the history of the brave, awkward, tender¬ 
hearted n»un$ fellow, who waited on the table of a summer hotel to 
earn the mcmoy to send him through college, his love for his mother, 
“ who has J lie \v hole of "Peaceful Valley on her mind,” his adoration 
for the daughter of the New York millionaire, his flashes of awkward 
wit, his righteous wrath against wrongdoers, all make up a complex ai d 
marvelous character. Ten other quaint, hateful or lovable people are 
in the play; comic, serious, detestable, pitiable, and fine. There are 
over two hours of intense enjoyment and the play is clean and uplift¬ 
ing. Not a character in it is unworthy of being played, and all the 
parts are good. In the shadowed stage of to-day "Peaceful Valley” 
shines out a beacon light ! 

The play particularly appeals to college men and college women. 
The characters are so simple that they are easily played by amateurs. 
Pric*, 50 cents. 


These plays are subject to royalty when produced. 
Our 124 Page Catalogue Sent Free on Application. 



An Unconscious Burglary 


BEING A RELATION OF THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF 
JOHN FLYNN, A LAWYER 


B Come&B in Gbree Bets 


BY 

JOHN N. FRANCIS 


Copyright, 1914, by Samuel French 


NOTE.—Permission not required to produce this Comedy 


New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th Street 


) 

.) 

O A 



London 


SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd., 
26 Southampton Street 
STRAND 







AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY 


THE CAST. 


(Given in order of first appearance .) 

Bill, the Bull . A second story man 

Howard Lewis . A young lawyer 

Josiah Drew. . . .John Flynn’s uncle from the west 

John Flynn .. A young attorney 

Helen Brown . Engaged to John Flynn 

Dr. Brown . .Helen’s father, a specialist in mental 
< diseases 

John Flynn.. The janitor of the Tower Building, 

an Irish shamrock 

Satie Mulqueen*.. ....Beautiful and slangy 

Dennis J. McKenna . A detective 

A Postman 

Rosey . Whose disposition is romantic 

Josephine . A maid at Dr. Brown’s 

William . A butler at Dr. Brown’s 


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OCT 30 1914 


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An Unconscious Burglary 


This act is laid in the parlor of John Flynn’s 
apartments. Centre stage and front is a large daven¬ 
port. Behind it is a round table; on this table is an 
electric lamp. In the rear and placed cornerwise 
across the left corner is another davenport. Behind 
this is a bridge lamp. Centre is a window, shaded by 
heavy curtains. Up stage, right, is a desk, on which is 
a telephone. The only entrance to the room is to the 
right. Like the window, it is hung with heavy cur¬ 
tains. On the rise of the curtain the stage is in dark¬ 
ness, except for a light which comes through the en¬ 
trance. Apparently there is a light in the hall. The 
room is in great disorder. A high hat has been placed 
on the centre davenport. A suit-case is balanced on 
the arm of the davenport. It has evidently just been 
unpacked and socks, neckties, shirts, etc., are laying 
about. A pair of trousers is thrown over the back 
of the desk chair. Other articles of clothing are 
strewm about. The floor of the apartment is hand¬ 
somely carpeted and rugged. 

On the rise of the curtain Bill, the Bull, is seen 
working at the window lock from the outside. He is 
using a kitchen knife. He uses occasionally an electric 
flashlight to see the progress of his work and also 
to discover whether or not he is being observed. 
Finally the lock is thrown back and Bill stealthily 
raises the window. As he does so, street noises are 
heard. 


3 



4 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Newsboys. ( off centre. Shouting) “ Extry. Ex- 
try. All ’bout th’ great jewel theft. Society Raffles 
at work. Police baffled by theft of necklace.” 

(The wind, which is blowing hard, (I. E., may be 
furnished by the use of bellows) bloivs the suit¬ 
case off the centre davenport and it falls to the 
floor, making a noise. Bill jumps outside of 
the window, vainly endeavoring to pull the win¬ 
dow down.) 

Bill. Winder’s stuck. (a momentary pause. Bill 
hiding. Bill looks carefully in the room again) 
Guess ’e’s went out. (climbs stealthily in and strug¬ 
gles to close the window. Business of grunting to get 
it closed. Finally the window does shut, goes down 
with a bang. Business of fright by Bill. The street . 
noises, newsboys’ cries, etc., of course cease as soon 
as the window is closed. After Bill’s fright is over. 
Bill carefully flashes lamp about room to see his 
surroundings and then goes to the door and looks into 
the hallway. Bill locates telephone with flash lamp 
and goes to it. At ’phone) Gimme Beverly 4425 
Party J. {a pause) It is a clear day? (signals with 
pencil code on mouthpiece of ’phone; receiver to ear) 
Hank’s on watch all right. (doorbell heard off right) 
Somebody’s cornin’. 

(Bill rushes to davenport, left and hides behind it. 
Doorbell keeps on ringing. Finally the door is 
heard to open.) 

Lewis. (calling off right) John, oh, John. 

(heard whistling as if coming down hallway to parlor. 
Lewis looks in door) Where the deuce are you— 
asleep in here? {goes back into the hallway as if 
looking in other rooms) John. John Flynn. (back 
at entrance again) No servants. No anything. And, 

(feeling at side of door) Where is that switch? 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


5 


(entering and feeling his way towards the centre 
davenport ) I’ll turn on the light at the table. I 
know where that switch is. ( falls over suit-case) 
Oh ? my knee. ( rubs knee) What’s that? ( turns on 
light at centre table, then rubbing his knee, sits down 
on centre davenport on hat which is crushed. Lewis 
jumps up) What’s that? ( picks up crushed hat) 
Gad. If that isn’t his new chapeau. ( throws it into 
the suit-case and pushes the suit-case under the daven¬ 
port) What did he put it there for anyway? ( looks 
around room) What a mess? ( picks up a sock on 
the davenport and holds it out arm’s length) What 
a pig pen! ( throws sock on davenport) Was ever 
a fellow so changed. Neat, immaculate John Flynn’s 
room like this. ( sighs and shakes head) I wonder 
where he is. He promised he’d be ready when I 
called, and he’s not even here. And an engagement 
used to be a solemn obligation with him. I wonder 
if that accident had anything to do with the change. 
Certainly he has not been the same since he was hit 
in the head in that baseball game last June in New 
Haven. ( looks at watch) Well, I’ll wait a little 
longer. ( sits down on davenport, first, however, as¬ 
certaining that he is not going to sit down on another 
hat. He pulls extra edition of the newspaper out of 
his pocket) What’s this great society jewel robbery? 
( reads and suddenly becomes interested) Helen’s 
necklace stolen? Impossible? ( resumes reading 
paper) Dr. Henry Brown, the noted specialist on 
mental diseases and author on several standard works 
on Aphasia, reported to the police to-day the theft 
of a valuable pearl necklace from his residence, 13 
Barringer Road. Great mystery surrounds the theft. 
Dr. Brown put the necklace in his safe at 10: 05 
P. M. He closed and locked the safe. He discovered 
that the necklace was missing this morning. No one 
but Dr. Brown knew the combination of the safe and 
the safe had not been tampered with. The necklace 
is an heirloom of the Brown family and is priceless. 


6 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Dr. Brown offered a reward of $1,000 for the return 
of the necklace and $1,000 for the arrest and con¬ 
viction of the thief. This offer is to remain good for 
one month. The theft of the necklace recalls other 
robberies from the Brown household and from other 
society persons. These robberies, which began last 
July, have continued until the present time. No clew 
has been left. The police believe they have a real 
society Raffles case on hand. ( the doorbell has begun 
to ring. Lewis endures it as long as he can ) Why 
did he dismiss those servants? You have to wait on 
yourself here these days. I wonder who’s at the 
door? ( exits) 

Bill. ( looking up from behind the davenport) 
’Ere’s a mess. ( crawls out from behind davenport 
and sneaks rapidly to the telephone ) Th’ best second 
story artist in th’ city caught like a rat in a trap while 
they’re holdin’ a pink tea. ( at ’phone ) I’ve got ter 
tip Hank off. (to ’phone) Gimme Beverly 4425 
Party J. 

Lewis. ( heard off right) No, sir. I’m not Mr. 
Flynn. Yes. He lives here. 

Josiah. (heard off right) Who be you? 

Lewis. ( off right) I’m Mr. ’Lewis. Mr. Flynn is 
out. 

Josiah. Wall. I’m in, an’ I guess I’ll set a spelL 
Purty hard goin’ up them stairs.. (Lewis and Josiah 
heard coming down hall) I’m stayin’ at th’ Stanwix. 

Lewis, (off right) The Stanwix? 

Bill. (who has been nervously eyeing the door 
while he has been endeavoring to get his number) Is 
this—( hurriedly hangs up receiver and sneaks back 
of davenport) 

Josiah. ( heard off) Right smart lookin ( enter 
Josiah and Lewis) diggin’s. 

Lewis. Fair. ( telephone rings. Lewis goes to it. 
At ’phone) No. I didn’t call Party J. I did not. 
( angrily ) Don’t I know. ( angrily hangs up re- 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


7 


ceiver) Central wanted to tell me I called some 
party J. 

Josiah. Maybe she thinks you wuz callin’ me 
names. Joke books sez folks like me is party Jays. 
Jay parties. 

( Laughs, immensely pleased at his alleged joke. 

Lewis looks at him in his disgust .) 

Lewis. Yes. You’re a joke. (suddenly thinks 
Josiah might be offended ) I mean a joker. You’re 
funny all right. 

Josiah. I didn’t read that joke book I bought on 
the train for ten cents for nothin’. 

Lewis. Say, Mister, Mister—Ah- 

Josiah. I ain’t Mister. Folks alius calls me 
Josiah, Josiah Drew. 

Lewis. Glad to meet you, Mr. Josiah Drew. Sit 
down. 

Josiah. (he has done so before ) I hev. I’m 
John Flynn’s uncle. 

Lewis. That so? Well, I don’t know when your 
nephew’ll be in, he was to have met me here ten min¬ 
utes ago; I had an engagement with him. 

Josiah. Maybe he’ll be long. I come quite a dis¬ 
tance—from the west. Ain’t never seed my nephew. 

Lewis. You’ll find him peculiar. 

Josiah. Umph. Thought as much. Queciness 
sort o’ runs in our family, all of ’em queer ’cept me. 

Lewis. John wasn’t very queer until last June 
when he had an accident. 

Josiah. Accident? 

Lewis. He was playing in the alumni baseball 
game at New Haven last June. Knocked in the head 
by a pitched ball when he was at bat. 

Josiah. I told his Maw, she was my sister, he’d 
git hurted if he played them college athletics. 

Lewis. And lie’s been peculiar ever since. The 



8 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


blow from the baseball seems to have caused his 
whole nature to change. 

Josiah. An’ that’s th’ only change he got out of 
them college athletics, wa’n’t it? Purty poor pay 
seems ter me. 

• Lewis. Here’s the paper. You’ll be interested 
in the robbery. 

Josiah. Heerd th’ boys hollerin’ ’bout it. Sum- 
body’s necklace is hooked, ain’t it? 

Lewis. Of course you know who the Dr. Brown 
is in that article? 

Josiah. Can’t say thet I do. Ain’t much on 
doctorin’. I come from a town in th’ west which 
may be short on money an’ other modern improve-, 
ments, but it’s turrible long on health. Why, young 
feller, th’ last doctor moved inter th’ town starved 
to death fur lack of practice, an’ we didn’t hev no 
place ter bury him ’cause cemeteries ain’t in fashion 
out our way. People’s too busy ter die. 

Lewis. John’s going to marry Dr. Brown’s 
daughter. 

Josiah. (very much interested) Hey? Wot’s 
that? My nephew goin’ ter git married? Wall, he 
never tole me. 

Lewis. Probably didn’t think it was necessary. 

Josiah. Oh, didn’t he? 

Lewis. Why should he? You never saw him. 

Josiah. ( laughing ) Ain’t he never tole you ’bout 
Aunty Mirandy’s will? 

Lewis. ( curiously ) No. He never has. 

Josiah. Wall, Mirandy. She wuz my sister, John’s 
aunt—made a big bunch of real money out ter home 
in minin’ stocks; Mirandy wuz peculiar. All our 
family’s queer, as I tole you, ’cept me. An’ she 
wuzn’t much better lookin’ than I be, so naturally 
wa’n’t very knowin’ ’bout love affairs for the lack of 
suitors, but she fell fur a shyster thet was tryin’ ter 
git even with her money. Fortunately she found him 
out ’fore it ’twas too late an’ she soured on lovin’ 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


9 


altogether, so when she died, she left her money to 
the rest of the family, share and share alike, on th’ 
condition that none should marry ’ithout th’ written 
consent of th’ other members of th’ family, so you see 
I wuz kinder surprised thet John wuz keepin’ com¬ 
pany ’ithout my knowin’ somethin’ ’bout it. 

Lewis. ( very coldly ) So I gave you some news? 
I suppose if John can’t get the written consent of 
you and the rest of the family- 

Josiah. They ain’t no rest. They’re all dead 
’cept him an’ me. 

Lewis. Oh. ( suddenly ) Read the paper about 
the robbery. You’ll be interested. 

Josiah. You bet. ( reads paper) 

Lewis, (at desk ) I’ve put my nose into it beau¬ 
tifully, got John in trouble. I must help, for if I 
don’t this old grafter here will withhold his consent 
to the marriage of John and Helen. I’ve got to pre¬ 
pare John for his coming so that we can frame up 
some kind of a game on that old shyster. I hate 
to see an old leech like him bleeding John. What 
will I do? Lord knows when John will show up. 
I’ll leave John a note of what’s happened. ( writes) 
Your uncle Josiah is calling. I have told him about 
your marriage by accident. He will try to hold up 
his consent unless you pay him something. I will 
send him off for a week to give you an opportunity 
to think up something to work off on him, and if you 
want him before, you’ll find him at the Stanwix. I’ll 
explain about it at dinner to-night. Hurry up, old 
chap. I’ve a big surprise for you. Howard, (fold¬ 
ing letter and placing it in envelope ) Now to get 
rid of the nuisance. (looks around at him in dis¬ 
gust) The old grafter, (hack at desk) What will 
I—Ah. I have it. (writes another letter) Dear 
Howard: (laughs) I won’t be back in a week. 

Yours hurriedly. John, (turns to Josiah. Careless 
sort of voice) Ah, Mr. Drew. This is why John 
won’t be here, (shows note to Josiah) Won’t be 



10 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY: 


back for a week, he writes. I don’t suppose you’ll 
wait—a week. 

Josiah. Nope. Not here. But I’ll see him at his 
office next Thursday. I’ve got ter see him ’bout some 
important business. ’Bout Mirandy’s will. s ‘ 

? v* l i J* 

v * 

* f 4 

(They exeunt, talking. They are heard going down 
the hall and the door is heard to open.) 

Lewis. There’s the elevator. No. Don’t wait. 
Good-bye. 

Bill. (pops head up from, behind davenport as 
soon as they leave room) Ain’t they went? ( starts 
to climb from behind davenport. Lewis is heard re¬ 
turning) No. They ain’t. ( hides again) 

Lewis, (back in room again) I certainly put my 
foot in it. Given that old grafter an opportunity to 
hold John up. I thought he seemed unusually inter¬ 
ested and pleased when I told him about John’s mar¬ 
riage. With that Uncle and the stolen necklace, the 
course of true love of John and Helen has not been 
very smooth. ( looks at watch) Why doesn’t John 
return? I can’t wait much longer. John used to be 
so punctual. To think that to-night, when my en¬ 
gagement is to be announced, one of the most im¬ 
portant events in my life, John, my best friend, is 
late and balls things up. 

(Telephone rings.) 

Lewis, (at ’phone) Hello. No, Helen. This is 
Howard. I don’t know where John is. I’m waiting 
too. I’ve left a note for him and I’m going right on. 
I’ve a big surprise for you all. No. I won’t tell 
you yet. Good-bye. (hangs up receiver) Gee. 
John’s got little sense and lots of nerve to keep his 
girl waiting like this. I’d never dare treat Edith like 
that. (returns to *phone again) Richmond 4455. 
[Wendell Hotel? Connect me with William, the head 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


11 


waiter. This you, William? This is Mr. Lewis. 
Lewis. No. Not Useless. Lewis. ( spells ) L. E. 
W.—Yes. Lewis. Hold that dinner up for about 
an hour, will you? Mr. Flynn will be late. Remem¬ 
ber there’ll be five— Miss Spencer, Miss Brown, 
Dr. Brown, Mr. Flynn and myself. I’m particular' 
about this dinner to-night because I am to announce 
my engagement to Miss Spencer. What? Oh, thanks, 
thanks very much, William. Now everything will 
be all right ? All right—in an ( looks at watch ) hour. 
Yes. Thanks. ( hangs up receiver ) I wonder how 
long before—( looks at watch again') But I simply 
can’t wait any longer for John. I’ll have to call for 
Edith, (exits) 

Bill. ( looking over the hack of the davenport) 
Th’ hardest second story job ( front door heard slam¬ 
ming off right) I ever did. (at ’phone) Gimme 
Beverly 4125 Party J. (front door heard opening 
again off right) Whot? Agin? (drops receiver and 
goes to door and looks out) ’E’s cornin’ back suren 
shootin’. (hides behind davenport) 

Lewis. (heard coming down the hall whistling. 
He goes to the desk. Picks up the note he has writ¬ 
ten to John that he left on the desk) I’ll see John 
to-night and explain so that this note will not be 
necessary, (telephone rings) This ’phone has a bad 
attack of ringitis. (at ’phone) What? No, see here, 
Central, this is the second time I’ve told you I don’t 
want Party J. I don’t want it now. I don’t want 
it to-morrow. I never expect to want it. When 1 
do. I’ll let you know. Thank you. (hangs up re¬ 
ceiver) She’s the most persistent operator I ever 
saw. Bound and determined I’ll get Party J. (exits) 

Bill. (sneaks to door and looks out) Are you 
agoin’ ter leave me be now? (at ’phone) Gimme 
Beverly 4425 Party J. Is this a nice day? (pencil 
code. Bill laughs) Hank’s all • balled up. He 
don’t understand all the telephone calls, (more pencil 


12 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


code ) Now I got ’im all straight I guess. ( hangs 
up receiver ) If that feller’ll only mind ’is own busi¬ 
ness fur about an hour an’ a half an’ leave me ter 
mind mine. I’ll do a swell robbery. ( from this time 
on Bill begins a search for the necklace. While 
he is talking he goes through the desk. He lifts up 
rugs, looks under davenports and finally taps the 
walls for secret hiding places. He should talk all 
through the search. Put a lot of funny business in 
this scene ) We’ve planted this young Flynn fur the 
past two weeks when Bill, who butles down ter Doc 
Brown’s tipped us off that Flynn was akleptoin’. Got 
a ’partment ’cross the street where we can see who 
goes in and who goes out of the place. Got a ’phone 
in there so as to git warned. Where is that necklace? 
He’s got it hid ’round here somewheres. He ain’t 
sold nothin’ nor pawned nothin’ so it mus’ be ’ere. 
When the extry tipped us that the necklace was ’mong 
th’ missin’, I sez ter Hank—now, ^ain’t that queer 
where he put that? It’s gotter be somewheres—I sez 
to Hank:" You git over to th’ watch an’ I’ll git the 
swag. If I calls you or you calls me, say “ It is a 
nice day? ” an’ then use the pencil code. I wonder 
where that stuff’s hid. You gotter give it to him, he’s 
clever in swiping that necklace right under Doc 
Brown’s nose right outen the safe. ( telephone rings') 
No. This is not John. Who? ( business of making 
an impression) Yes, Harm. I’m ’Oward. ’O did 
you guess it? I’ll tell John when ’e comes. ( hangs 
up receiver) A dame ( laughing) named Helen wants 
me ter take ’er ter dinner. Wouldn’t me an’ ’Elen 
look dead swell at dinner? ( telephone rings) Yes. 
This is a nice day. ( pencil code. Excited voice) 
Somebody’s cornin’. ( more pencil code. More ex¬ 
citement) Flynn ’imself. ( more pencil code and 
hangs up receiver) I’ll bet ’e’s got that necklace 
with ’im. I’m agoin’ ter wait an’ see. 

(Examines his revolver and slug shot that he has 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


13 


pulled from his back pocket. Then he turns out 
light in the room and finds his way back to the 
davenport by his electric flashlight. The front 
door is heard to open off right and Flynn is 
heard coming down the hall. Enter John 
Flynn.) 

Flynn. (snaps on light at the centre table. He 
is wearing business suit and overcoat. He is smoking 
a cigar. He looks about the room suspiciously and 
then goes to the window and carefully draws the cur¬ 
tain. He takes off overcoat, carelessly throws it over 
a chair, takes off hat and throivs that on the floor, 
then he sits down on the centre davenport. He begins 
reading the newspaper that he has brought in with 
him. He is very excited and grows more so as he 
reads ) Society Raffles. Mysterious theft. Rot. 
How easy it was to fool ’em all. Ever since I first 
began this business when I took Helen’s pin for a 
keepsake, it has been easy for me. Oh, the excite¬ 
ment of it all. See. Here it is in the papers. I 
wouldn’t return to that humdrum, honest life again; 
it’s tiresome prudery. But I must always be on 
watch. That’s why I dismissed the servants last July. 
It’s I against the world, my wits against those of 
everybody else. (makes a rapid and suspicious survey 
about the room again. Then from his pocket, he care¬ 
fully pulls out the jewel case that is supposed to con¬ 
tain the stolen necklace ) 

Bill. (looking up from behind davenport ) The 
necklace. (drops down again ) 

Flynn. (looking at necklace in admiration ) You 
were easy winning. While Dr. Brown was showing 
you to me, I directed his attention to a picture and 
worked the substitute box game on him. (laughs and 
(joes towards desk ) And so no one but Dr. Brown 
knew the combination of the safe, hey ? The safe 
had not been touched, hey? Mysterious robbery. 
{laughs) Mysterious rot. 


24 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


(Flynn’s hand is resting on desk chair.) 

Bill. ( sneezes) 

Flynn. What’s that? (he has turned quickly. 
He goes toward centre table) 

Bill. (rising and pointing gun. Bill wears a 
mask now ) Don’t move, pard, or I’ll shoot. (Flynn 
has made a dash for the centre table and has turned 
out light. Bill fires his revolver. Flynn throws a 
paper weight at something just before Bill fires and 
before Flynn turns out light. This destroys Bill’s 
aim. The men fight in the darkness. The fight ends 
with a groan. Bill turns on light at door. Flynn 
is seen lying stretched out in front of the front daven¬ 
port. The room is in a mess. Bill’s revolver is on 
the floor. Bill has a slug shot in his hand) Wall. 
I got ’im all right, (pats slug shot with his hand and 
then puts it back in his hip pocket) Gosh. He give 
me a nasty blow on the wrist with that paper weight 
he threw at me. Knocked (looks around for revolver) 
my revolver clean out of my hand. There it is. 
(picks up revolver and puts it in his pocket) I had 
a dead bead on him when that paper weight destroyed 
my aim. Now to go through him. (looks through his 
pocket) Ah. A ticker, (holds up watch that he has 
cut off chain with pinchers) A purty good ticker. [ 
ought ter git sumthing good fur hockin’ this. Any 
money? (finds pocket book) Lots of it. (dragging 
Flynn to left davenport and rolling him under it) 
I guess Bill, the Bull’s made a darned good haul— 
money, gold watch, and that bracelet, (replaces room 
in condition) Room looks purty good now. (tele¬ 
phone rings. At ’phone) Is this a nice day? 
(listens at ’phone and then uses pencil code) Some¬ 
body’s cornin’, (pause. More pencil code) Man an’ 
woman. (hangs up receiver) Now, ter make me 
getaway. (rushes to window. It will riot budge) 
Winder’s stuck. (front door bell is ringing) Fur 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


15 


keeps this time. (Bill is violently pulling at it. 
Helen and Dr. Brown are heard to enter, to close 
the front door and are coming down the hall ) I got 
ter work the telephone repair bluff. ( rushes to phone, 
scatters tools about and begins working over it) 

(Enter Helen and Dr. Brown. Both are in evening 

dress.) 

Helen. He must be out. Father. 

Bill. ( at ’phone ) Ring, central. ( telephone 
rings) 'Sail right. ( gathers up tools. To Dr. 
Brown) Mr. Flynn? 

Dr. Brown. I’m not Mr. Flynn. 

Bill. Tell Mr. Flynn ’e’s all fixed, (exits) 

Helen. These telephone men have to work late 
hours, don’t they? 

Dr. Brown. Rush job, I suppose. 

Helen. When I telephoned a few moments ago 
I thought that there was trouble. Howard answered 
the ’phone and I could scarcely recognize his voice. 

Dr. Brown. The company is called upon at all 
hours to repair its ’phones. 

Helen. (sitting down in centre davenport) I 
wonder where John is. I expected to hear from 
him about the necklace, vet there has not been a 
word. 

I)r. Brown. He ought to have a selfish personal 
interest in the necklace at least. He knows you are 
not willing to marry without it? 

Helen. I haven’t told him our family superstition 
yet, but he should have shown some interest anyway 
under the circumstances. His whole nature seems to 
have changed since the accident. He doesn’t keep 
his engagements; he is selfish, careless, cold and quick 
tempered. 

Dr. Brown. That ball struck him a vicious blow. 

FI elen. It’s a wonder he was not killed. I saw 
him fall. He was out of his head for two days. He 


16 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


hasn’t acted the same towards me since. His w r hole 
nature seems to have changed. 

Dr. Brown. You still feel satisfied to marry him? 

Helen. Father. 

Dr. Brown. Marriage is a pretty serious step, 
daughter. I meant no offense and I’m sorry if I’ve 
hurt your feelings. 

Helen. Father, I was thinking of—well—of—of 
breaking it off. There it’s out now. 

Dr. Brown. Not really. 

Helen. He hasn’t been the man that I accepted 
as my affianced husband. It seemed as though that 
baseball killed the man I loved. ( crying ) I was 
thinking of talking with him this evening. 

Dr. Brown. There. There, dear. I understand. 

Helen. I made up my mind that it was better to 
end it all before it was too late. But I hesitated at 
the thought of what people would say. 

Dr. Brown. What people w T ill say makes no dif¬ 
ference. It’s your heart alone you must consult. 
If you don’t love John Flynn, it would be living a lie 
to continue your engagement for loveless marriages 
are criminal mockeries. 

Helen. (with determination) I will break my 
engagement this evening. (the telephone rings) 

Dr. Brown. (at ’phone) No. This isn’t Mr. 
Flynn. Yes. This is his residence. This is Dr. 
Brown speaking. Who? Ah. Yes. Howard. No. 
I don’t know wdiere he is. He hasn’t come in yet. 
All right. We’ll come right along without him. 
Good-by. (hangs up receiver. Helen has gone to 
the window and is looking out) Come, Helen. We 
won’t wait. We’ll go right along without John. That 
was Howard Lewis. 

Helen. ( discovering Flynn) Oh. 

Dr. Brown. What’s the trouble? 

Helen. ( very much frightened and going towards 
Dr. Brown) A man ( pointing) under that daven¬ 
port. 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 



Dr. Brown. This is some joke. 

(Flynn groans .) 

Dr. Brown. It’s a man. ( pulls out Flynn from 
under the davenport) A murder. Helen. Don’t 
look. It’s John Flynn. 

Helen. ( helping ) John Flynn murdered. 

Dr. Brown. Turn on the light. (Helen does so) 
Get some water. (Helen rushes off to get some 
water and brings it bach. Dr. Brown is working 
over Flynn) 

Helen. ( entering with the water) Is he alive? 

Dr. Brown. Yes. He’s alive. Rub his head. 
Here. Take off his eollar. There. 

Helen. John, dear. John, dear. Don’t you 
know me? 

Dr. Brown. Never mind the sentiment. Rub his 
head. 

(Flynn shows signs of regaining consciousness.) 

Dr. Brown. Fine. Beautiful. 

H elen. He isn’t going to die? He can’t die. 

Flynn. Died at third. 

Helen. He’s dead, lie says. Hear him. 

Dr. Brown. Baseball slang. 

Flynn. Where am I? 

Helen. In your room. 

Flynn. My room? But the game—New Haven? 
{starts to rise) 

Dr. Brown. Just sit down, young man. 

Helen. You’ve been hit in the head. 

Flynn. What’s all this foolishness ? I’m not going 
to be fooled any longer. Where am I ? 

Helen. This is your room. 

Dr. Brown. Out of your head young man. 

Flynn. Out of my head— But since June? 

Dr. Brown. You remember nothing since last 
June ? 


18 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Flynn. Absolutely nothing. 

Dr. Brown. Fine. Beautiful. 

Helen and Flynn. Remarkable? 

Dr. Brown. You’re a medical phenominum. 
You’ve been suffering from a rare form of Aphasia, 
Gracey’s Aphasia. Fm writing a paper on the subject. 

Flynn. What do you mean? 

Dr. Brown. You were knocked in the head. Ap¬ 
parently you recovered and went about as usual, yet 
you remember nothing until hit on the head again 
when you are brought to. You have had a mental 
suspension, Gracej^’s Aphasia. 

Helen. I thought he was different. 

Flynn. I guess I’m all right now. 

Dr. Brown. Apparently you had fallen asleep on 
that davenport, rolled off, struck your head and (the 
Doctor and Flynn talk. The telephone rings) 

Helen. ( at ’phone) Hello. Howard. John has 
just come in. He’s had an accident. (Jo John) You 
don’t feel well enough to go to Howard’s dinner to¬ 
night, do you, John? 

Flynn. I’ve got to eat. 

Dr. Brown. He seems well enough. 

Helen, (at ’phone) John says he’s got to eat. 
We ll hurry right along. 

Dr. Brown. Excuse me if I step outside for a few 
dressing, (exits) 

John, (starts for door) I’ll be ready in (misses 
•watch) My watch. It’s gone. 

Helen. You must have dropped it somewhere. 

Flynn. (feels chain has been cut) I’ve been 
robbed. The chain, it has been cut. 

H elen. That telephone repair man. I thought 
he looked strange. 

Flynn. He must have hit me and rolled me under 
that davenport. 

Helen. It was lucky that he hit you. The blow 
brought back your senses. 

Flynn. I’m sorry about that watch. It was a 



AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


19 


keepsake. At any rate it will be easy to identify it. 

It had a peculiar mark. I’ll notify the police. (kisses 

Helen affectionately ) I’ll be dressed in a few 

moments. (at door he turns back and embraces 

Helen) I’m so happy to-night, Helen, dear. Aren’t 

you? 

%/ 

Helen. Very. Very happy. (Flynn kisses her 
and exits) The old John Flynn, the John Flynn I 
loved. He has never kissed me like that since his 
injury. He said he was happy. I am, too. 

Dr. Brown, (heard off right) John, here’s your 
dressing. 

Flynn. (off right) Right in here. Aren’t the 
servants in to-night? 

H elen. He doesn’t remember that he dismissed 
the servants. 

Dr. Brown, (off right) Sure you feel all right. 

Flynn. If I felt any better, I wouldn’t be able— 

(Door heard, to close.) 

Helen. I won’t break the engagement. John 
wasn’t himself. (laughing) Isn’t Father delighted 
with this apahasia? (looks around room and notices 
the disorder. Shows it in her face. At length picks 
up sock on the davenport and holds it out arm’s 
length) John certainly needs a woman’s care, (drops 
sock back on davenport) We’ll be married—let’s 
see— On Christmas Day. (notices newspaper on 
the floor and picks it up) I’d forgotten about that 
necklace. Bother that superstition. Yet I promised 
Mother on her death bed. No I will not be married 
without that neckace. 

(Enter Dr. Brown and Flynn. Flynn has changed 
into an evening suit. N. B. the dialogue above 
gives Flynn plenty of opportunity to make the 
change. It has been actually done.) 

Flynn. All ready? Where are we going? 


20 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Dr. Brown. To The Wendell. We must hurry. 

Flynn. (helps Helen on with evening coat ) 
And now, dearest, when are we going to be married? 

Dr. Brown. Haven’t you told him about- 

Flynn. What’s the matter? 

Helen. (showing newspaper ) Read that. 

Dr. Brown. Family heirloom. None of our 
family have ever been married without it. 

Flynn. You can't be married—you aren’t going 
to let this silly— (Helen looks at him ) this supersti¬ 
tion prevent- 

Helen. I promised my mother on her death bed 
that I would not. 

Dr. Brown. I’ve done all I can to recover it— 
offered a large reward. 

Flynn. I’ll do more than that. I’ll find the neck¬ 
lace. 


CURTAIN. 


ACT II. 

Scene: —This scene is laid in the law office of John 
Flynn, Tower Building. The time is just one 
week after. There are two exits, the one on the 
right leading into the hallway and the one on the 
left leading into a room used by the stenographer. 
In the centre of the room is a large window. 
Flynn’s office desk, a flat top affair, is centre. 
Back of it is his chair. To the left is a chair for 
clients. On the right is a stenographer’s desk. 
On this are a telephone and a typewriter with a 
stenographer’s note book rack. On the side of 
the desk hangs a telephone book. On the rise of 
the curtain John Flynn, the janitor, is dis¬ 
covered standing looking out of the window. He 
has a broom. 





AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


21 


John Flynn. This is high life fur ye. Nine 
stories when ye walk up, and one whin ye fall down. 
(takes a proud, survey of the room and walking front) 
Ain’t I th’ dandy little janitor, and that after a week, 
too. When I heard that they wanted a janitor fur the 
Tower Building, I sez to mysilf. Wouldn’t it be fine 
fur thim if they could git me? Th’ boss agreed wit 
me. You’re a foine healthy lad, he sez. That I am, 
sez I. There ain’t no finer or healthier. Go to work, 
sez he. I will sez I; an’ I did. ( telephone rings. 
At ’phoiie) What chu want? (he says this at the 
top of his voice and most of his talk is pitched in the 
same key) Shure. This is Mr. Flynn. And who 
are ye? I don’t know you, Mr. Lewis. Yis. I’m 
John Flynn. No. I ain’t kiddin’ ye. Me father 
before me was named Flynn, and his father before 
him was named Flynn and his father before him was 
named— Wliot? No. I ain’t lawyer Flynn. I’m 
janitor Flynn. Yes, sir. Mr. Flynn will call when 
lie comes in; I’ll make him. (hangs up receiver) 
Sure it’s some individual I am. One or two of these 
days I’ll be gettin’ a mail that’ll break the letter 
carrier’s back fur I’ve written fur a whole bunch of 
catalogues to be sint to Mr. John Flynn, Tower Build¬ 
ing. So much mail will lind an air of importance to 
mesilf, so it will. An’ one of these days maybe I’ll 
be hearin’ from Rosey. Ah. I’m that soft on th’ 
colleens that I milt like buttermilk every time a soft 
eye looks at me; so yisterday when I seen Rosey’s 
ad (business of looking for Rosey’s ad in the paper 
he carries in his pocket) Here it is. Wanted: A 
soulful husband. If interested and in earnest, write 
Rosey, Box 45, this paper, (putting back paper) I 
wrote Rosey. Me own Rosey, I wrote. I’m soulful. 
I’m interested and I’m in earnest. I want you. 
John Flynn. Tower Building. That had ought to 
fetch an answer. 


(Enter Satie, the stenographer , right.) 


22 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


John Flynn. ( sweeping very industriously ) Th’ 
top of tli’ mornin’ to ye. 

Satie, (looks in disgust at Flynn sweeping as she 
crosses to the floor. Removes hat and furs at hat tree. 
Business before looking glass. She gets some dust in 
her nose and sneezes. Then she turns very angrily at 
Flynn) Whatchu doin’? 

John Flynn, (leaning on broom and looking at 
her in admiration ) Playin’ lawn tennis wit tli’ 
President. Won’t you jine us? 

Satie. Ain’t you done dustin’ yet ? Ain’t you got 
nawthin’ better else to do? 

John Flynn. Shure I have—whin there’s a good 
lookin’ gal like yoursilf standin’ about. 

Satie. Fresh Ike. (turns to looking glass in 
disgust. Flynn continues staring at her. She cannot 
stand it any longer and so she turns angrily ) Ain’t 
you ’fraid you’ll strain your eyes? 

John Flynn. It’s not me eyes I am afraid of; 
it’s me heart—when I look at you. 

Satie, (going toward him ) Say, young feller, if 
you’re slippin’ me the marshmeller glare (turns and 
returns towards desk ) furget it, fur I left me 
affections in cold storage this mornin’. 

John Flynn. Don’t say nothin’ ’bout it. You 
look jes’ as well as if you had ’em wit you. (telephone 
rings ) 

Satie. Answer th’ ’phone. I’m savin’ me voice. 

John Flynn, (at ’phone ) Whatchu wan’? Are 
you the same party that called before? Hey? Well, 
I’m tli’ same party whot answered you and I’ll give 
you the same answer. He ain’t come in? (hangs up 
receiver. To Satie) Mr. Lewis wants Lawyer 
Flynn. 

Satie. Ain’t you done sweepin’ yet? 

John Flynn. Th’ dirt wasn’t detainin’ me; it was 
you. 

Satie. Beat it while th’ beatin’s good. I’ve got 
work to do. (reads novel ) Fade away. 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


2a 


John Flynn. It’s yoursilf that’ll be losing good 
company when I do. {exits, right) 

Satie. He’s th’ freshest janitor they’ve had yet. 
I wonder what his name is. Probably Patrick 
McGuirk or some other Italian name. 

(Enter Postman, right. He is loaded down with big 

packages .) 

Satie. Good mornin’. 

Postman. No, sirree. There ain’t been no good 
mornin’s or evenin’s either since Uncle Sam’s turned 
us into express wagons. (sorts out mail) 

Satie. Heavy mail, ain’t it? 

Postman. Boss mus’ be going to get married. 
(shows catalogues and letters ) House furnishing 
houses. (straps up letters and papers and takes up 
bundles ) Say, whot’s th’ name of the new janitor? 

Satie. He ain’t signed my guest book yet. He 
looks French, and talks it, too. 

Postman. Mornin’. 

Satie. Mornin’. 

(Postman exits.) 

Satie. (sorts out mail and places it on Flynn’s 
desk. Business of trying to read what’s in the letters. 
Then she goes to desk and resumes the reading of her 
novel. The telephone rings. She lets the ’phone ring 
for a little while, so interested is she in her book, 
finally she becomes nervous with so much ringing and 
impatiently answers) I’ll never finish this novel if 
they don’t leave me be. (at ’phone) Mr. Flynn’s law 
office. No. Mr. Flynn lias not arrived yet. Who shall 
I say— Yes, Mr. Lewis. I have }'our call. (hangs 
up receiver and resumes reading of novel, she is chew¬ 
ing gum and business here of pulling gum out of 
mouth and putting it back can be used effectively) 


24 AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 

(Enter John Flynn, right.) 

Flynn. Good morning, Satie. 

Satie. (pushes booh quickly into desk and writes 
furiously on the typewriter from the notes she has 
taken) Good morning, sir. 

Flynn. Stop chewing that gum. 

Satie. (choking over gum) Yes, sir. Mr. Lewis 
wanted you to call at once. Beverly 1125: 

Flynn. (at ’phone) Thanks. Beverly 1125. 
(whistling while waiting) Hello. This you, Howard? 
Yes. This is John. Can’t you tell me over the 
’phone? Well, come on over— All morning (hangs 
up the receiver and then removes coat and hat. Goes 
to desk and sits down. Pulls out top drawer and finds 
pipe. Fills pipe with tobacco, lights it and starts 
smoking, absentmindedly fingering mail) Court 
calendar, ready, yet, Satie? 

Satie, (handing him calendar) Here it is. (re¬ 
turns to desk and resumes writing) 

Flynn. (looking over calendar) Rather heavy 
calendar to-day, Satie. Our case. No. 165, is- 

Satie. Third. 

Flynn. May not be called to-day, fifteen’s apt to 
take up all of the session. They’ll put eighty-nine 
over the term as usual, so that leaves us at bat. 
We’ll be in the hole if they do. We haven’t a chance 
on earth. Call up Milliman and Smith, Satie. I 
want Mr. Smith. 

Satie. (finds number in the telephone book) 
Berkley 11-14. Mr. Smith? Just a moment, Mr. 
Smith, (hands Flynn the ’phone) Mr. Smith. 

Flynn. Hello, Smith. This is Flynn Can’t we 
get sixty-five over the term again? The costs? Oh, 
we’ll pay them. Will you move it over this time? Oh, 
any old grounds will do—material witness missing, 
anything.— Yes. That’s a new one. Good-bye. 
(hangs up receiver and goes towards desk. Suddenly 
he has a thought) He seemed pretty glad to put 



AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


25 


that over. Guess it’s a case of we’re seared, you’re 
afraid. ( begins looking over mail) I’ll bet we can 
settle. 


(Enter Lewis, right.) 

Flynn. Good morning, Howard. 

Lewis. ( very much excited. lie points at Satie) 
Only a moment. 

Flynn. Satie. (nods head towards left exit) 

One moment, please. 

Satie. (going towards left exit) You’ll ring 

when you want me? 

(Flynn hows and she exits, left.) 

Flynn. Now what’s all the excitement? 

Lewis. Has he been here? 

Flynn. Who? 

Lewis. Then he hasn’t. I’m not too late. 

Flynn, (who seems rather amused) Who is he? 

Lewis. Your uncle. 

Flynn, (perplexed) My uncle? 

Lewis. Josiah Drew from the West. 

Flynn. I don’t recall- 

Lewis. Oh, I don’t blame you. He’s a breath of 
fresh country air. I don’t blame you for not plead¬ 
ing guilty to him, either. And there’s an Aunty 
Mirandy, too, or something like that. 

Flynn. Oh, yes. Mother’s—— 

Lewis. He told me all about it. But listen. 
Your aunt’s dead. 

Flynn. Then why get so excited? She won’t 
haunt you. 

Lewis. Well, your uncle Josiah is her brother. 

Flynn. A perfectly natural relationship. 

Lewis. Your uncle told me you had inherited a 
considerable sum of money from your Aunty Mirandy. 

Flynn. Money for me? Where? When? 




26 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Lewis. You receive this legacy provided you do 
not marry, or if you do marry, you do so with the 
written consent of the other members of the family. 
Otherwise, you lose the legacy. 

Flynn. Aunty Mirandy left me money? 

Lewis. Well, I accidently mentioned that you 
were to be married to your uncle. He seemed inter¬ 
ested. 

Flynn. He seemed? I should think he would 
have been. 

Lewis. I put him off for a week. He’s due here 
to-day. 

Flynn. Why didn’t you tell me this- 

Lewis. Forgot all about it until this morning. I 
telephoned here three times all ready. Gosh. I’m 
sorry. 

Flynn. Don’t mention it. But what’s uncle’s 
game ? 

Lewis. Just plain graft. He’ll refuse consent to 
your marriage with Helen. Without his consent, the 
money goes to the rest of the family, himself in¬ 
cluded. He profits anyway, more if he can do busi¬ 
ness privately with you. 

Flynn. I’ve got to see him. 

Lewis. You’ve got to see him very strong, and big. 

Flynn. Well, I’ll hear his offer. 

Lewis. I’m awfully sorry I’ve balled up this 
matter, honestly I am. 

Flynn. Forget it. 

Lewis. So long, (exits, right) 

Fjlynn. (opening mail) So Aunt Mirandy has 
left me money unless Uncle Josiah can take it from 
me. I’ll talk with Helen about this. (crosses to 
’phone) Beverly 1561 Party W. Line’s busy? 
(hangs up receiver and returns to desk) Rather 
heavy lot of mail this morning. (arranges mail in 
order and begins opening letters) Seems as though 
I was pretty popular— (has opened top one) What’s 
this? We send at your request our circular. We 




AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


27 


assure you that we have the finest line of corsets an}' 
lady could desire and should your wife wish—( laughs 
as he throws letter in the scrap basket) This is one 
on me. A corset circular sent to an engaged man 
at his request. I’ll bet Howard Lewis put up that 
job. ( reads next letter) I have an important matter 
about the Leiter will litigation which I wish to consult 
you about. I will call at noon. I hope the hour will 
be convenient as the matter is urgent and admits of 
no delay. Yours sincerely, R. Wilkston Pulver. ( gets 
up excitedly and walks front) This is luck. Pulver, 
one of the wealthiest men in the city, wishes to retain 
me in the Leiter will case. Why, it’s good for $10,000 
a year at the least. Will I be here at noon? Is 
water wet? Do ducks swim? ( shakes himself by his 
hand and capering around room) Congratulations, 
old man. Merit will out. ( returning to desk) Ten 
thousand dollars a year by staying until noon. It’s a 
cinch. ( sits in chair) I’ll stay, (has pressed buzzer 
for Satie) 


(Enter Satie, left.) 

Flynn. Tell Mr. R. Wilkston Pulver that I will 
be here at noon. 

(Satie, after finding number in the book, telephones.) 

Flynn. Here’s another circular sent at my re¬ 
quest. 

Satie. Mr. Pulver will be here. 

FlynN. (looking at letter and talking as to him¬ 
self) I don’t understand. 

Satie. (misunderstanding the above speech) 
That’s all he said, sir. 

Flynn. ( remembering what was happening) Oh, 
yes ! Thank you. Exactly. Satie, please get me a 
paper, (gives Satie the money) I forgot to buy one 
this morning. 




28 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Satie. ( puts on her hat quickly. She is glad of 
the opportunity to get away from work ) Yes, sir. 
(she exits ) 

Flynn. ( going over letters ) Another circular, 
sent at my request. And another. And another. 
Why, there’s a dozen of them. ( throws letters and 
circulars into the waste paper basket ) Pretty good 
joke by Howard. ( goes to ’phone and telephones) 
Beverly 1561 Party W. I’ll just fool Howard by 
not— Yes. Party W, if you please—telling him 
that I receive— Hello! Is this Dr. Brown’s? Oh, 
good morning, Helen. How nice it is to hear your 
voice so early. ( smiles as he listens to what Helen 
is telling him ) Didn’t we have a good time last 
night? And you looked so pretty, too. Plonestly 
you did. (pause) Really you did. No. I wasn’t 
blinded by love because everybody said— Why, 
everbody’s everybody, Jimmy Van Buren. He said 
so and—and—and everybody said so, and, Helen, 
Helen, ( connection has been broken. Business of 
bobbing hook up and down to get it restored) 
Central, you broke that connection. I was talking 
with— The number of 1561. Yes. Beverlv 1561. 
Well. Par^y W, if you want to know. ( laughs ) The 
central’s jealous. She cut you out. I’ve heard some¬ 
thing and I want to talk it over with you. Can’t you 
come down here pretty soon? It’s good news—and 
bad. Well, hurry your shopping, and I (bus. with 
telephone hook) Central, that’s the second time-- 

(Enter Satie, right. She stands right, chewing gum 
and reading nexcspaper.) 

Flynn. (does not see Satie, still trying to get 
telephone connection) Hello, Helen! (sees Satie) 
No matter, (stands up and looks coldly at Satie) 
When you are quite through with the paper, at your 
leisure, of course- 




AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


29 


Satie, {comes to herself and starts quickly ) Beg 
pardon, Fir {gives Flynn paper ) I had to go quite 
a distance. {telephone rings. Satie answers it) 
Did you want party W? 

Flynn, {crossly) No I did not and {sees Satie 
chewing her gum) Will you please stop chewing that 
gum ? 

Satie, {aside) I hope I never live to be so old 
that I can’t see persons chew gum. 

(Satie exits, left.) 

Flynn. {who has been reading the paper) 
Inspector O’Brien has the fellow who stole Helen’s 
necklace. Well, that’s good work. To think of all 
these robberies taking place right under my very 
nose and I know nothing at all about it. Strange 
business, this Aphasia, {opens letter, out of which 
drops Rosey’s picture) Who’s this? {stoops down 
and picks up picture) Rather pretty girl. W T hat 
does she want? Maybe this has been sent at my 
request. {reads letter) Sent at my request. I 
should say it had been. {reads letter out loud) 
Friend John. I accept your proposal of marriage as 
you seem soulful, interested and anxious. I enclose 
my picture. I will call to-morrow. Your own Rosey. 
(suddenly) That’s to-day. This joke's being carried 
too far. {thoughtfully) Or is it a joke? Are these 
circulars jokes? I wonder if I sent for all these 
things when I was in Aphasia? {with horrified deter¬ 
mination) I must have. I must have, {looks wildly 
over the envelopes that he has thrown into the waste 
paper basket) All addressed to Mr. John Flynn, 
Tower Building. There is no other John Flynn. It 
roust be I. I’m in for a busv day. Uncle, Rosev, 
Helen, Pulver—all coming to-day. What’ll I do? 
{suddenly) I know. I’ll get rid of Satie, {rings 
buzzer) What she doesn’t learn won’t hurt her? 

{Enter Satie, left.) 


30 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Flynn. Satie, you can have the rest of the day. 

Satie. (rushing for hat, etc., and joyfully fixing 
herself up) The whole day, sir? 

(Flynn nods absentmindedly.) 

Satie. Thank you, sir. 

Flynn. I’ll look up this Leiter litigation so that I 
will be familiar with it while I am waiting for Uncle, 
Rosey and the other developments. Before you go 
out please get me the reports that I bought yesterday. 

Satie. (half ready to go out, gives a disappointed 
look that she has been called upon to do some unex¬ 
pected work) Yes, sir. (exits left) 

Flynn. ( thoughtfully) I wonder when the rains 
will begin to ascend and the floods come—or some¬ 
thing to that effect. 

(Enter Satie, left. She gives him the book.) 

Satie. (at looking glass) The book, sir. 

Flynn. (looking at book) It isn’t the book I 
wanted. This year’s, I told you. Why don’t you get 
things right and stop chewing that gum. (exits, left) 

Satie. Ain’t it a sin for a man to be so peevish. 
(Satie uses powder puff, etc. Knocking is heard at 
right door. Satie goes oil with her toilet arrange¬ 
ments. Knocking continues all the while, becoming 
more and more insistent. Satie looks at door in dis¬ 
gust, then in her purse and finds that she has 
some spare change) Why don’t he keep quiet? He’ll 
disturb somebody if he keeps on that way! (she is 
now just about ready to go out) I suppose I got to 
let him in. (she rushes to door, pulls it open. Uncle 
Josiah who has been leaning against door, falls in. 
Satie scornfully sweeps by him) Come in. (exits 
without waiting for an answer through the right door) 

Josiah. (looking in admiration after Satie) I 
hev. (gets up) Durned good-lookin’ gal. Wonder if 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


31 


she’s the one John’s goin’ ter marry. (Flynn has 
just returned with a big pile of books in his arms) 
Mr. Flynn? 

Flynn. ( going to desk ) My name. 

Josiah. I’m your uncle. 

Flynn. ( almost falls over with surprise, dropping 
books ) Uncle. 

Josiah. Josiah Drew. 

Flynn. ( picking up books ) Glad to see you. 

Josiah. You don’t act like you wuz. 

Flynn. ( rushing Josiah almost off his feet with 
his noisy cordiality in shaking his hand ) Pardon my 
reserved disposition. ( picking up Josiah’s hat that 
has fallen off in the excitement ) Here’s your hat. 
Sorry you must be going. 

Josiah. ( taking hat and putting it back on his 
head ) I ain’t goin’. 

Flynn. So sorry—I mean glad. Charmed. De¬ 
lighted. (Flynn subsides and looks desperate) 

Josiah. I’ve got some ’portant business ’bout your 
Aunty Mirandy’s will. 

Flynn. I’m very busy. Couldn’t you come around 
this afternoon? 

Josiah. I ain’t got nothin’ much ter do. I’ll wait, 
(sits) 

Flynn. He’s a waiter. 

Josiah. I’m agoin’ ter keep my eyes on you. I 
don’t want you ter git away from me. 

Flynn. Oh! (suddenly struck with a new idea) 
Won’t you have- lunch with me ? 

Josiah. (looking very much pleased ) Don’t care 
if I do. 

Flynn. Neither do I. 

Josiah. Whot say? 

Flynn. Yes. That was it. (pushing him to¬ 
wards right door) Here’s the morning paper. "V ou 
just step across the hall into that office there. \ ou 11 
be more comfortable. (Josiah has just exited) And 
so will I. 


32 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


(Enter Rosey, right. She and Flynn almost collide.') 

Flynn. Your pardon, Madame. 

Rosey. Mr. Flynn. 

Flynn. ( going hack to desk ) My name. 

Rosey. Mr. John Flynn, Tower Building? 

Flynn. Exactly. But you— who are you? 

Rosey. ( stagey posture) I m Rosey. 

Flynn. The devil. 

Rosey. Your Rosey. 

Flynn. Another trouble. 

Rosey. I’m waiting. 

Flynn. Don’t. 

Rosey. Let’s hurry. 

Flynn. Oh, yes. Yes. Let’s. 

Rosey. You don’t seem anxious. 

Flynn. Appearances are deceitful. 


I 


am anx¬ 
ious. Very anxious. ( telephone rings) Excuse 
me. ( answers ’phone) Hello. Yes, dearest. ( des¬ 
perately ) You’re coming right up now? Good-night. 
I mean good-bye. ( hangs up receiver) 

Rosey. When are we going to he married? 

Flynn. In a moment. Business before pleasure. 
(ushering her into room, left) Wealthy client tele¬ 
phoned. 

Rosey. ( at door, affectionately loaves) John, 

darling, I'll never leave you. {exit) 

Flynn. She’ll never leave me. Uncle’s in no hurry 
and Helen’s coming right up. I can’t leave for fear 
I’ll not get Leiter’s business. And- 


{Enter Helen, right.) 

Helen. {going affectionately towards Flynn) 
Good morning, dearest. 


(Flynn locks door.) 

Flynn. {completely unnerved and confused) 



AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


83 


You are—are you—yes, you are well. (Flynn turns 
to look at door of room in which Rosey is hiding) 

Helen. He has had another attack of aphasia. 

Flynn. (desperately grabs Helen by the hand) 
We must go, Helen, at once. 

Helen. (going towards chair) I’m in no hurry. 

Flynn. But lunch. Lunch. It will not wait. It 
must not wait. 

Helen. I’ve just had breakfast. 

Flynn. But tills is lunch, lunch. 

Helen. Father is very anxious to meet me here. 
I’ll wait. 

Flynn. Another waiter. 

Helen. The police think they have the necklace 
and Father wants me to identify it. 

Flynn. I’m sorry. (Helen’s face registers sur¬ 
prise) I mean glad, great, so happy. 

Helen. (suddenly recalling something) I’ve left 
my shopping bag —(she rises and goes towards left 
door) 

Flynn, (pushes her back) No. Not there. 

Helen. I’m sure I left it —(noticing Flynn’s 
nervous condition) Is there something you don’t 
want me to see in that room? 

Flynn. Yes. I mean no. (knocking heard at 
door) Damn. 

Helen. Somebody is knocking at that door. 

Flynn, (nervously smiling) So there is. Hear 

it. 

Helen. Hadn’t you better see who it is? 

Flynn. (laughs very stagey and nervously) 
That’s a good joke on you. 

Helen, (surprised) On me? 

Flynn. It’s a patent knocker, (knocking begins 
again) Hear it work. 

(Enter Josiah, right.) 


Josiah. Nephew, I 



34 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Helen. Your uncle, John? 

Josiah. Nope. His uncle Josiah. 

Flynn. ( introducing Josiah to Helen) Miss 

Brown. 

Helen. I’m glad to meet my future husband’s 
relatives. 

Josiah. Ain’t you goin’ ter marry tli’ other one, 
th’ pretty one? 

Helen. ( suddenly and suspiciously ) What other 
one ? 

Flynn. I don’t—( scream is heard coming from 
Rosey) 

Helen. ( crossing to room and opening door) 
Your patent knocker seems to have a scream attached 
to it. 


(Enter Rosey. She is very indignant. She goes to 

John.) 

Rosey. (to John) I’ll have you ’rested. 

Flynn. Yes. Exactly, (tries to silence Rosey) 

Helen. What does this mean? 

Rosey. He lured me here on a promise to marry 
me and locked me in that room. 

(Enter Dr. Brown, right.) 

Flynn. I can explain, Helen. 

Dr. Brown. What’s the matter? 

Helen, (goes to Dr. Brown) Take me home, 
Father, (they exit) 

Flynn, (to Rose.y) And now, young lady- 

Rosey. (pushing him aside) Out of my way. 
(she exits , right) 

Josiah. I don’t understand. 

Flynn. What you don’t understand, don’t under¬ 
stand and go. 

Josiah. But this will of Aunty Mirandy’s? 

Flynn. I’ll give you just two minutes to leave. 



AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


35 


Josiah. But I don’t see- 

Flynn. You have a minute left. 

Josiah. Guess I’ll be goin’ then. S’long. (exits') 

(Telephone rings.) 

Flynn. (answering 'phone in a tired, discouraged 
voice) Yes. This is Mr. Flynn. How do you do, 
Mr. Pulver. All right. We’ll postpone it, then, until 
to-morrow. Thank you. Good-bye. 

(Enter Detective McKenna, right.) 

McKenna. Good mornin’, Mr. Flynn. Inspector 
O’Brien would like to see you down to the station 
house. 

Flynn. He’s got the watch, I suppose. 

McKenna. But that ain’t what you’re wanted 
there for. 

Flynn. What I’m wanted there for? 

McKenna. He wants you for stealin’ that neck¬ 
lace of the Brown’s. 

Flynn. S-stealing the Brown necklace, (he sags 
this to himself) 

McKenna. That’s the way the warrant runs. 
May I use your ’phone? 

Flynn. (waves permission and in a dazed way 
goes to hat tree and puts on hat and coat) 

McKenna. (at 'phone) Give me Police head¬ 
quarters, Central. 

Flynn, (coming centre) For stealing the Brown 
necklace. 

McKenna, (at 'phone) I got him, Inspector. 

Flynn. I wonder if I did. 

(As McKenna takes Flynn off stage, the curtain 

descends.) 



36 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


ACT III. 

Scene: —This act isHaid in the parlor of Dr. Brownes 
residence the evening after Act Two. There is 
hut one entrance, that in the centre, l. c. is a 
large parlor table with a chair on each side. 
r. is a desk in front of which is a chair. A 
telephone table is l. of the door. On this tele¬ 
phone stand is, of course, a telephone. The room 
should be handsomely furnished. When the cur¬ 
tain is raised Josephine is discovered sitting at 
table reading a newspaper and William, the 
Butler, is standing beside of her chair. 

Josephine. ( reading newspaper ) Curiously 
enough Flynn was implicated through his own watch. 
This watch had been stolen from Flynn the same 

•j 

night that the necklace had been stolen from him by 
a sneak thief who goes under the name of Bill, The 
Bull. Flynn reported the theft of his v/atch to the 
police,^and when Bill, the Bull, attempted to dispose 
of the time piece at a well known pawn broker’s shop 
on Fourth Street, he was arrested. The necklace 
was found on Bill’s person. Bill thereupon made a 
complete confession, implicating not only Flynn but 
others who will shortly be arrested. 

William. ( starts ) Hey? Whot? 

Josephine. They’re agoin’ to ’rest some others tlT 
papers say. 

William. Who? 

Josephine. They wouldn’t put th’ name in tlT 
paper until they wuz ’rested. That ain’t a bit good 
lookin’ picture of Mr. Flynn, is it? 

William. ( absentmindedly ) Yes. (Josephine 
looks at him in surprise. William recovers himself ) 
I mean No. 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


37 


Josephine. What’s the matter with you, William? 
\ ou look seared. They’re not goin’ t’ rest you, I 
should Jiope. 

William. I should hope. 

Josephine. ( looking at desk) There. I knew I’d 
do it. I’ve forgotten that lamp, (exits) 

William. (nervously reading paper) Bill must 
a’ squealed on me. Why couldn’t ’e ’ave been perlite 
enuff to have blamed Mr. Flynn for th’ whole thing 
’ithout implicatin’ me an’ til’ other gents wliot did 
nothink but hinform ’im ’bout th’ stealin’ ’of other' 
gents. I guess I’d better skip. 

(Enter Josephine. She carries lamp. Places it on 
the desk and business of lighting it.) 

Josephine. Miss Helen’s carried on awful. When 
she come home, she rushed up to her room an’ locked 
th’ door an’ wouldn’t leave me in t’ hook her up for 
dinner. 

William. She didn’t ’ave no dinner. 

Josephine. She had ought t’ be glad t’ have th’ 
necklace back anvway. 

V •> 

William. She’s lost her man, that’s what she’s 
grieving ’bout. Wliot’s a necklace to a man, anyhow? 

Josephine. What’s a man to a necklace? 

William. You can purchase a necklace any day. 

Josephine. Men’s cheaper an’ less showy. 

(Helen is heard approaching.) 

William. (calling Josephine’s attention to that 
fact) Hush. 

(Servants busy themselves. Josephine at desk with 
lamp and William at table with paper. Enter 
Helen.) 


Helen: 


I’ll see no one this evening, William. 


38 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


(William bows and exits) Josephine, put my dress 
away and pick up my room. (Josephine bows and 
exits. Helen goes to table and picks up newspaper. 
Sees Flynn’s story) And to think that it’s all ended, 
and yet not all ended for the whole disgusting busi¬ 
ness must be gone through with again. This theft 
was bad enough, but I could have forgiven that, but 
this—this alliance with that—that creature. ( sighs 
and rises and crosses to desk. On cross over she says) 
And to think I ever loved that man. (she wipes her 
eyes. Unlocks desk drawer and takes out a packet 
of letters, which she opens and looks at) His first 
love letter, (smiles wistfully as she reacts through it. 
Then she starts to tear it up) No. I couldn’t de¬ 
stroy that. He was different then. (has replaced 
it in the envelope) I can’t destroy any of them. 
(cries. The telephone rings. Helen wipes the tears 
away, rises and goes to ’phone, which she answers. 
Business here of having telephone ring a second time. 
At ’phone) Hello.—This is Dr. Brown’s residence.— 
Good evening, Mrs. New joy—Father will be in at any 
time. The baby’s sick. I’m so sorry. Father’ll call 
in a few moments. Good-bye. (hangs up receiver, 
crosses to desk, picks up letters, then suddenly puts 
them down) I can’t destroy them. I can’t do it. 
(weeps) 


(Enter Dr. Brown.) 

Dr. Brown. (going to Helen) What’s this, 
child? Crying? Don’t. 

Helen, (teary voice) I can’t help it. (matter- 
of-fact voice) Mrs. New joy wanted you to call up. 
Her baby’s sick. 

Dr. Brown. A doctor’s life is hard. Here I’ve 
done a big day’s work already and I must go out 
again unless I can prescribe over the telephone. 
(at ’phone) Please give me Bleecker 3315. Mrs. 
New joy, please. Ah, Mrs. New joy, this is Dr. 


AX UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


39 


Brown. He is crying and seems very sick? Has lie 
fever? Hot? Is he hot? Umph. That’s bad. 
Have you taken his temperature? No. You take it 
with a thermometer, a clinical thermometer. ( louder ) 
Clinical. ( louder yet ) Clinical. Oh, never mind. 
A thermometer. When you take it call me up. ( hangs 
up receiver ) The child probably wants a bottle. 
{to Helen as he crosses') These new mothers and 
their babies. Cheer up, little girl. No man’s worth 
all these tears. Besides I’ve good news for you. 

Helen. For me? 

Dr. Brown. John cannot be convicted. 

Helen. What do you mean? 

Dr. Brown. No man can be convicted of a crime 
which he did not commit consciously. When John 
stole that necklace, lie did not know what he was do¬ 
ing, he was in Aphasia. The District Attorney agrees 
with me. The incident is a closed one. 

Helen. The theft of the necklace, that was for¬ 
given when I heard about it, but that disgusting let¬ 
ter, written after he was supposed to be cured of his 
Aphasia, his locking that girl in the room, and his 
ta'e about that—that patent knocker, {cries again) 

Dr. Frown. There’s some mistake. 

Helen. Mistake. There’s no mistake. You heard 
that Rosev woman talk as we went down in the 

•7 

elevator. 

Dr. Brown. Listen, dear. {telephone rings) 
Sometimes I’m tempted to take that ’phone out. {at 
3 phone) Yes, Mrs. Newjoy. What did you find the 
temperature to be. Seventy-two? {horrified) 
Seventy-two? Why, the child’s dead, {suddenly as 
if taken with a new idea) What kind of a ther¬ 
mometer did you use to take that temperature? The 
nursery thermometer? {laughs) I’ll be right over if 
the baby continues crying. Give the baby a bottle 
and then telephone me. {enter William. Dr. 
Brown goes to table and sits down) They took the 
baby’s temperature on the nursery thermometer. 


40 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


William. Mr. McKenna. 

Helen. I’ll leave you. (exits) 

Dr. Brown. Tell Mr. McKenna to step right up. 

(William bows and exits.) 

Dr. Brown, (picking up paper) On a nursery 
thermometer. (enter William who shows in Mc¬ 
Kenna) Ah, good evening detective McKenna. 

William. Detective? ,(^ le men shake hands and 
William trembling with fear makes a sneak out) 

McKenna. We’ve got th’ jewels. (hands case 
over to Dr. Brown) Kindly see if everything’s all 
right. 

Dr. Brown. They’re all right. Many thanks for 
your good work, (crosses to desk) To whom shall 
I make out the check for the reward, (business of 
making out check) 

McKenna. I don’t like to blow my own horn or 
anything like that, but- 

Dr. Brown, (who has been writing) Oh. That’s 
all right. Your initials, Mr.-- 

McKenna. D. J. Dennis J. (Dr. Brown has 
just finished check, crosses and hands it to Mc¬ 
Kenna) Thank you, sir. (puts check in pocket) 
Had the stuff hid right in the parlor. It was easy 
goin’ after we got Bill, the Bull, to confess. We got 
a clear case against Flynn. 

Dr. Brown, (who has sat down at table) Have 
you? (Dr. Brown smiles) 

McKenna, (sitting down at desk) Nothin’ to it. 

(Enter Josephine.) 

Josephine. Mr. Lewis. 

Dr. Brown. Isn’t William on duty? 

Josephine. Pardon me, sir, but William don’t seem 
to be nowhere an’ th’ bell was ringin’ so hard, I 
answered the bell. 




AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


41 


Dr. Brown. Ask Mr. Lewis to wait a moment. 
(Josephine exits ) I wonder where that butler of 
mine is. 

McKenna. Guess he’s skipped. 

Dr. Brown. What do you mean? 

McKenna. We want him. (Dr. Brown looks 
very much mystified ) He’s been tippin’ off th’ gang, 
so Bill the Bull, confessed. 

Dr. Brown. William, my butler? 

McKenna. He’s a shrewd one. We’re lookin’ up 
his record. 

Dr. Brown. But lie’s gone. 

McKenna. Not very far, I guess. 

(Enter Josephine, in great excitement .) 

Josephine. Dr. Brown, sir, they’ve ’rested Wil¬ 
liam. He wants you t’ get him off. 

McKenna. That was easy. 

Dr. Brown. I’ll see William later. Show Mr. 
Lewis up. (Josephine exits ) 

McKenna. We surrounded th’ house. 

Dr. Brown. Oh. 

McKenna. He stepped right into the net. 

Dr. Brown. Air. Lewis is Mr. Flynn’s attorney. 

McKenna. ( sitting down at desk again ) Flynn’s 
some arrest, he is. We don’t often catch a big bug 
like him. 

Dr. Brown. You’ve no case against him. 

McKenna, (as he rises in surprise from his chair ) 
What? With the goods right on him, too. 

(Enter Josephine followed by Lewis.) 

Josephine. Mr. Lewis. 

Dr. Brown. Mr. Lewis, Mr. McKenna. (Mc¬ 
Kenna and Lewis bow ) I was telling Mr. Mc¬ 
Kenna that the police have no case against Mr. Flynn. 


42 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


Lewis. There can be no conviction when loss of 
memory can be proven. 

McKenna. You got to prove the loss of memory, 
though. 

Dr. Brown. That will be easy for I will testify 
for Mr. Flynn. 

McKenna. You, the complainin’ witness. 

Lewis. Dr. Brown. (shakes Dr. Brow t n by the 
hand) 

Dr. Brown. I might tell you, Mr. McKenna, that 
the District Attorney told me but an hour ago that he 
would move to dismiss the ease when it was called in 
police court for lack of evidence. 

McKenna. Humph. Well. I got the reward, 
an’ that’ll help some, (exits) 

Lewis. I cannot thank you enough for your gen¬ 
erous offer, Dr. Brown. 

Dr. Brown. I don’t intend to have innocent men 
sent to prison on my account, Howard. Did you ever 
hear (telephone rings) I never start to tell anything 
to anybody without being interrupted by that ’phone. 
(at ’phone) Well. This is Dr. Brown speaking. 
Yes, Mrs. Newjoy. The baby’s crying again? Well, 
Madam, give it another bottle, (hangs up receiver) 
She ought to hang that baby. That would stop its 
crying. 

Lewis. It isn’t the police court feature of John 
Flynn’s case that I came to see you about this even¬ 
ing. It’s about Helen. 

Dr. Brown, (has gone to the table arid is sitting 
down) It’ won’t do any good. 

Lewis, (sits in chair) John just wants to speak 
to her. 

Dr. Brown. She won’t see him. 

Lewis. But she’ll see me. 

Dr. Brown. Perhaps. (crosses to desk and 
touches bell) At any rate you can ask her. 


(Enter Josephine.) 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


I)r. Brown. Ask Miss Helen if she won’t come 
here just a moment. 

(Josephine exits.) 

Dr. Brown. William, my butler, has just been 
arrested. He was a member of the same gang that 
this Bill, the Bull, belonged to. 

Lewis. Another phase of the present day servant 
problem. 


{Enter Helen.) 

Helen. Good evening, Howard. ( to Dr. Brown) 
You wanted me. Father? 

Dr. Brown. I’ll leave you with Howard. Oh. 
If Mrs. Newjoy calls up about her new baby tell her 
I’m out—decidedly out. (exits) 

Helen. ( sitting at table) Won't you sit down, 
Howard? 

Lewis. Won’t you see John Flynn, Helen. 

H elen. How often must I go through this—this 
torture ? 

Lewis. He’s innocent, really, Helen. 

Helen. Of the necklace theft, yes; but of that 
Rosey affair,—I can’t do it. 

Lewis. Please. For old time’s sake. 

Helen. To what end? 

Lewis. For the sake of justice. 

Helen. Justice? Do you call it justice when I— 
(suddenly and with determination) He can never 
accuse me of injustice; I’ll see him. (she turns her 
face away from Lewis) 

Lewis. He never could, because you could not be 
unjust. (crosses to her) You’re the right sort. 
(goes to door and turns bach') I don’t blame John 
for fighting for a girl like you. You’re worth the 
winning. (exits) 

Helen. I couldn’t help it. I love John still. 


44 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


(enter Flynn. Helen’s face undergoes a change. 
She coldly says) Won’t you be seated? 

Flynn. I thank you, Helen, for your justice. 
(Helen shrugs her shoulders) I’ll not explain that 
necklace theft. 

Helen. I understand the necklace incident. 

Flynn. But it’s this other matter, this affair of 
this Rose woman. (Helen shows great emotion) 
I am accused of conducting a low flirtation with a 
woman who advertised for a husband. 

Helen. ( impulsively ) How could you, John? 

Flynn. I said I was accused. I deny the accusa¬ 
tion. 

Helen. Mere words—no convincing proof. Have 
you nothing more to say ? 

Flynn. Your only evidence against me is the word 
of Rose, an adventuress. 

Helen. I saw the woman come cut of a room 
that had been locked by you. 

Flynn. I made a mistake when I locked her in. 

Helen. Why did you do it? 

Flynn. This Rose wrote me a letter. Came to see 
me. Told me that I had promised to marry her. I 
considered her letter and herself as a blackmailing; 
scheme. When I heard you come, I locked her in- 

Helen. Why? Why did you do that? 

Flynn. That was a mistake. I’ll admit it. I 
acted foolishly, impulsively, but that’s not the point. 
It’s circumstantial evidence. 

Helen. But that letter you wrote her. That’s 
conclusive enough. 

Flynn. That letter she says I wrote her. Have 
you seen it? Do you know that I wrote it? 

Helen, (as if struck with the thought that pos¬ 
sibly there might be something in what he is saying) 
No. (then with more determination as if she wanted 
to bolster up her own cause which seems suddenly 
to have weakened) But she says- 

Flynn. Then you are satisfied with her word, her 




AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


45 


word against mine. She says I wrote her. I say I 
didn’t. You prefer the improved statement of a wo¬ 
man whom you call a creature to the word of the man 
whom you promised to marry. Is that fair? Is that 
just? Is that right? 

Helen. ( her case is losing ground ) But she 

says- 

Flynn. And I say—Which shall it be? Will you 
wreck your life and mine, our happiness on the say- 
so of the first will o’ the wisp that bobs up. I come 
to you, Helen, with nothing but my word to prove 
my case and I ask you for fair play—Just fair play. 
Won’t you give me that, just that, darling? 

(Helen turns around and goes to him. They 

embrace .) 

Flynn. ( taking her in his arms ) You’ll see, 
darling. It will come out all right. 

{Enter Dr. Brown and Lewis.) 

Lewis. There, Dr. Brown. 

Dr. Brown, {going to them and holding them by 
the hands ) I felt it would come out all right. 

{Enter Josephine..) 

Josephine. Mr. Josiah Drew. 

Flynn. My uncle. 

Dr. Brown, {to Josephine) Show him up. 

(Josephine exits.) 

Flynn. I’ll show him up, if Josephine doesn’t, 
the old grafter. 

Lewis. He’s trying to get money out of John on 
his marriage to you, Helen. 

Flynn. Don’t let him talk about Aunt Mirandy’s 
will, and I’ll explain. 



46 


AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


{Enter Josiah Drew and Josephine.) 

Josephine. Mr. Drew. 

Josiah. Howdv, everybody. 

(Flynn, Lewis, Helen and Dr. Brown, all bora 

coldly.) 

Josiah. Say, John. I want ter speak ter you 
’bout some important business. 

Flynn. Come around later, Uncle. 

Josiah. I’ve been cornin’ round later ’till it’s 
mos’ too late now, an’ I’m agoin’ ter be heerd out 
naow. ( suddenly turns and goes to exit) Wait a 
minnit. ( waves arm to somebody in the hall) Come 
on in. 


{Enter Rosey and Janitor Flynn.) 

H elen. That creature. 

Josiah. This mornin’ you fired me outer your 
office. I tole you I didn’t understan’ why my nephew 
w r as fool enough ter be playin’ with a buster like you. 
{chucking Rosey under the chin) When he had 
already plucked a rose from the garden of love, sicli 
as you be. {makes eyes at Helen) So I ’vestigated. 

Flynn, the Janitor. An’ begoora. He foun’ out 
wliot ’tw 7 as mesilf that w 7 rote Rosey. 

Flynn, Helen, Lewis and Dr. Brown. What’s 
this ? 

Rosey. Th’ cutest little letter. 

Flynn. What’s your name? 

Flynn, the Janitor. Th’ same as yours,—John 
Flynn, an’ th’ same address, Tower Building. 

Josiah. I discivered that shortly after they’d got 
you rested an’ w r hen I tole- 

Rosey. Me and my John that w r e had better hurry 
up an’ tell you ’cause we w 7 uz sourin’ your peaches 
and cream, Mr. Flynn. 



AN UNCONSCIOUS BURGLARY. 


47 


Flynn, the Janitor. So we jes’ stopped in on the 
way down to til’ marriage altar an’- 

Rosey. Come ’long. (they exit. Their arms 
around each other’s waist, singing wedding march ) 

Flynn. (shaking Josiah’s hand ) How can I 

ever thank you, Uncle. 

Josiah.. Don’t mention it. Now I’ve got some 
’portant business- 

Dr. Brown. It was very kind of you, Mr. Drew. 

Josiah. Only justice. Doc. Now, ’bout this 

will- 

Lewis. You saved the day, Mr. Drew. 

Josiah. Never mind that. I want to say somethin’ 
’bout- 

Helen, (very coyly ) We’ll be glad to see you 
at our new home, won’t we, John? 

Josiah. (loses his patience ) If you’ll all keep 
still a spell, I’ll- 

Flynn. Let him talk. 

Josiah. Now, Mirandy’s will provides that no¬ 
body in our family’s to get married ’ithout th’ wrt- 
ten consent of the other members of th’ family. You 
an’ me’s th’ only other members, John, an’ we whack 
up a big bunch of money ’atween us if you an’ me 
can manage to git together. 

Flynn. (in disgust ) Well, how much will you 

want to give your consent to our marriage? 

Josiah. Don’t want nothin’ at all. 

All. Don’t want anything at all. 

Josiah. Nope. I’ll give my consent all right. 

Flynn. Then, Uncle, what do you want? 

Josiah. I want your consent, John. 

All. John’s consent. 

Josiah. (take some time for laughing ) Yep. I 
wanter git married myself. 


CURTAIN. 











HER LORD AND MASTER. 

A Comedy In Three Acts, by Martha Morton. Six males, five females, 
tosiumes modern. One interior and one exterior scene. Plays a full 
evening'. 

Miss Morton has furnished the stage wiih some very entertaining 
comedies, and this is one of her best. The p;ot concerns the marriage 
of an American girl to an English Viscount In the original produc¬ 
tion Miss Effie Shannon played the girl and Mr. Herbert Kelcey played 
the Viscount. Price, 50 cents. 

A BACHELOR’S ROMANCE. 

A Comedy in Four Acts, by Martha Morton. Seven males, four 
females. Costumes modern. Thx-ee interior scenes. Plays a full 
evening. 

This is the celebrated comedy produced by Mr. Sol Smith Russell for 
so many years with great success. Mr. Russell played the part of David 
Holmes, a quaint, odd character. He Is a bachelor, country editor and 
literary critic, so absorbed in his work that the outside world has little 
interest for him. In fact, he has even overlooked the circumstance 
that his ward, Sylvia, who lives with a maiden aunt, has outgrown 
childhood, and he still sends her dolls and other toys as presents. 

When, however, this oversight is made clear to him by the arrival of 
the young woman herself a change comes over his life. The critical 
sanctum grows too narrow for him and his interest in her leads him out 
into the world. And now the man who has lived in a world of the mind 
learns that there is a world of the heart, for he comes to regard his 
charming ward with feelings more tender than those of fatherly inter¬ 
est. But his sense of honor forbids him to disclose these. Nor does he 
Imagine for a moment that she, charming girl, could become interested 
in him, a crusty old bachelor. At last, however, an attempt on his 
part to arrange a suitable marriage for her leads to the disclosure that 
she loves him- Miss Annie Russell played Sylvia in the original New 
York production. Price, 50 cents. 

NIOBE. 

A Fantastic Comedy in Three Acts. Five males, seven females. The 
comedy by Harry and Edward Paulton is peculiarly suited to the use 
of schools and colleges, containing as it does much humor, only fully 
appreciated by those in the course of their classical studies. The play 
bristles with allusions mythological and historical, which only serve to 
set off the excess.ve modernity of the work as a whole. 

The story concerns itself with the revivification of the statue of Niobe, 
who was turned into stone by Phoebus and Artemis, who wearied of her 
incessant tears for her lost children. The statue is in the keeping of 
Peter Amos Dunn, an insurance broker, and comes to life while his 
family are at the theatre seeing Pygmalion and Galatea. 

Hopeless of convincing his wife of the truth of the story of the statue’s 
animation, he introduces Niobe as the new governess they are expect¬ 
ing and thesituation thus* set up is the beginning of many perplexities 
and endless laughter. Niobe is what is known as a sure-fire laugh pro¬ 
ducer and contains many good almost self-acting parts—that of Niobe 
being especially effective with its combination of queenly majesty and 
naivete in the midst of her modern surroundings. Price, 50 cents. 

THE SUPERIOR MISS PELLENDER. 

An original comedy in three acts, by Sidney Bowkett. 2 males, 4 
females. Costumes modern. 1 exterior, 1 interior scene. Time, 2 
hours. __ , 

A gentle, amiable widow-mother is Mrs. Peliender. Each member of 
her family is strongly characteristic. Edith, a malade imaginalre; 
Nancy, a tom-boy; Noel, a mischievous youth; and the superior Miss 
Peliender, as crisp as a biscuit, sharp as a knife, and the terror of the 
family. The mother falls in love with a diffident gentleman named 
TIster. but to break the news to her. unsparing child she feels the great¬ 
est reluctance. She and her fiance are quite unable to muster sufficient 
courage to “ confess,” and, in ultimate desperation, they elope, leaving 
a note behind explaining. , y 

This is a clever, high-class comedy, particularly suited to production 
by girls* schools and colleges, and it should prove a great success wher¬ 
ever produced, It was originally produced at The Playhouse, London, 
with Mr. Cyril Maude in the role of Mr. Tister. Price, 50 cents. 


These plays are subject to royalty when produced. 
Our 124 Page Catalogue sent Free on Application. 



JUST PU 


n 


LIBRARY OF CO 


6* 


NGRESS 


S T R O N G o 020 392 364 8 


WILLIAM C. de MILLE’S GREAT AMERICAN COMEDY DRAMA 

ITn 3Fout Bets 


The story of “STRONGHEART. ” is that of an Indian, named Strong- 
heart; the son of a chief, who has been sent by his tribe to Carlysle, and 
then to Columbia, that he may return and imparl the wisdom of the East. 
Strongheart takes a thorough course in football, and when he arrives at 
Columbia he is a crack halfback of the Morningside team. 

The first act is laid in the rooms of Frank Nelson and Dick Livingston, 
also members of the team, Thorne, of the team, is jealous of Livingston. 
In order to plunge the latter into debt, he has wagered with him $>3000 on 
the result of the approaching contest, and then plots to lose the game for 
his own eleven, by sending a list of signals to the rival team. 

Act II is played in the teams’ dressing room. Between halves the treach¬ 
ery is discovered. Strongheart is placed under suspicion and dismissed 
from his team. 

Victory follows, nevertheless, and the curtain falls on a scene of rejoicing. 

The next two acts are devoted more to the love interest in the play. 
Strongheart declares nislove for Dorothy Nelson, the captain’s sister, and 
learns that while she loves him in return, the prejudice of her family and 
friends give emphatic objections to the marriage. 

Thorne is exposed as the traitor who divulged the signals and just as 
Dorothy and Strongheart have decided to marry despite family prejudices, 
a member of his tribe enters and announces the death of the young man’s 
father. 

Black Eagle, the messenger, demands that Strongheart return, assume 
the honor of chief, and discharge his debt to the tribe for the education 
they have given him. 

Wavering between love and duty, Strongheart finally promises to throw 
aside his love and return to his people. 


CRITICISMS 

HERALD-NEW YORK. 

" Strongheart” is a good, strong American play. 

PRESS-NEW YORK. 

Than “ Strongheart” no more satisfying entertainment has been 
vouchsafed to us so far this year. 

EVENING SUN-NEW YORK. 

“ Strongheart ” has dramatic qualities which are startling and 
true. 

LIFE-NEW YORK. 

There is a delightful atmosphere about ‘Strongheart.” 
HERALD-BOSTON, MASS. 

" Strongheart ” is one of the greatest American plays ever written 

"Strongheart” was played for three seasons by Robert Edeson, and for 
one season each by Ralph Stuart and Edgar Selwyn. The fact that 
almost all the characters are college boys and girls, makes the pre¬ 
vailing spirit of the play one of youth, and renders it particularly 
suitable to the needs of Amateur Dramatic Clubs and Organization* 

The Cast is 17 males and 5 females. Plays a full evening. 


PRICE 50 CENTS. 


This play is subject to royalty when produced. 

























